- "The first scientifically recorded case of homosexual necrophilia in the mallard duck"
- The "irresistible report 'An Analysis of the Forces Required to Drag Sheep over Various Surfaces'"
- The report "investigating the scientific validity of the Five-Second Rule about whether it's safe to eat food that's been dropped on the floor"
- The guy who patented the wheel in 2001
- The "discovery that, biochemically, romantic love may be indistinguishable from having severe obsessive-compulsive disorder"
- "The Kansas State Board of Education and the Colorado State Board of Education, for mandating that children should not believe in Darwin's theory of evolution any more than they believe in Newton's theory of gravitation, Faraday's and Maxwell's theory of electromagnetism, or Pasteur's theory that germs cause disease."
- "The British Royal Navy, for ordering its sailors to stop using live cannon shells, and to instead just shout 'Bang!'" (this one has got to be one of my favorites because it invokes one of the most amusing mental pictures!).
- the "partial solution to the question of why shower curtains billow inwards" (what, only a partial solution?!).
and the one that always plagues me: